Spotlight on Me...

Thanks to the wonderful Stanford students I’ve met here in Cape Town, they passed along the tradition from Stanford SPOT trips of giving each person time to share their life story with the rest of the group. They felt it’d be a great way for all of us to get to know each other better in this short amount of time. It’s 23 of us living in 3 houses so the chance that we would have gotten around to having long, deep, one on one conversations with everyone was not very likely.  So, every Sunday and Monday evening at 10:00pm, we all gather in the living room and two or three people have the opportunity to give their spotlight…

It’s been great to learn more about the diverse group of students I get to share my abroad experience with. It’s funny how hearing someone’s story can totally change the perception you had of him or her when this trip first began. The tears, laughter, and openness have managed to bring us close together and also caused a lot of discomfort. We do have a confidentiality rule so I won’t share anyone else’s story, nor will I share my own since most of you reading my blog already know it, but I chose to include Spotlights in my blog because its changed how I view my own life.

If you had 15-30 minutes to tell someone your life story, what details would you include? Honestly, I realize that you can shape your past in any light that you choose. I’m one of those people that have never been shy about sharing the details of my life with others, especially when I think that telling it will help someone else with what they’re going through. Needless to say, I didn’t really prepare for my spotlight. I simply waited for a night where there was an opening and told my story. I was completely open about everything. I told them about my mother’s drug addiction, being separated from my 10 siblings all my life, the death of so many close family members, and recently my experience with depression. Before I knew it I had been talking for 25 minutes and I had told a pretty sad story. I had laughed and cried, experienced every emotion from joy to emptiness, and all I could think about was how difficult it had been to relive some of those moments. I don’t care how many times I share my life with others, it never makes the saddest moments any easier to talk about. It’s like I have to relive those feelings all over again, especially the pretty recent memories. Anyway, when I finally finished, I opened it up for the Q&A where people can ask me to elaborate on anything or ask about any important detail I left out. One student said, “I want to hear about the “good” things that have happened to you…”

Wow…that caught me off guard. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a happy person. Most of the time when you see me I’m smiling. Generally, I am at a very happy place in my life. I’m a fighter. I’ve learned to simply roll with the punches. I never thought that the life story I told would be a sad one. Yes, it’s been full of pain and loss but that’s not the light I want to be surrounded in. When I shared my story with my freshman dorm I started out by saying I was reluctant to do it because when I usually tell people they begin to feel sorry for me and I absolutely hate that. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve had a very good life. I’ve been blessed with opportunities that some people can only dream about and for that I’m eternally grateful. Being here in a country where most people have so little I am realizing how rich I am in earthly possessions. I am happy because I choose to be. I think about the kids at the orphanage here in South Africa that I volunteer at. Most of their parents have died or will soon die of HIV/AIDS and many simply did not want them or have the means to care for them. Now if those fifteen children can wake up everyday and still find the joy in life, there is no reason I can’t find happy moments in my own life to share with other people. Someone in my Service Learning class said that people should, “Use their agency to come out of the victim status”. This statement resonated with me so much. A very wonderful mentor of mine recently asked what I wanted my legacy to be. I pondered the question for days unable to come up with anything that seemed valuable enough to describe it. Now, I think I can finally answer that question….

I want my legacy to be that I turned my tests into my testimony. I want to be remembered as someone that always found a reason to smile, regardless of what was going on at the time. I would like to know that the people I interacted with remembered me for something good I did for them. Lastly, I want to be remembered as someone that actively worked toward improving the lives of children that are less fortunate. Not too shabby huh? I’m thinking of asking my children at Linawo Children’s Home to write down what my time there has meant for each of them. We’ll see if I’m off to a good start on that legacy…