Whose Service Is It Anyway?

So for those of you that don’t know, I chose to do the Cape Town program because not only do we study abroad, but the program also has a service-learning component, which usually becomes the focus of most of the students experience here in South Africa. Today was my first day at my placement, which is Linawo, a children’s home for orphaned youth. Before I describe the array of emotions I went through, I’ll first begin by describing our first day of Service-Learning class, which was an all day orientation last week.

Before class we were assigned a reading entitled, “Whose Volunteer Experience Is This Anyway” which basically discussed how usually when volunteers select organizations they want to do community service for, they choose things that revolve around their own interests. Often times, they have some kind of idea or vision of what their service experience should look like, and what ways they want to contribute, etc. I know I’m very guilty of this. Having been the community service chair for various student groups, I am known for doing searches for the ones that spark my interests, or will benefit the communities, which I am closely affiliated with. But, when it comes to public service, is it even about me? Why are my personal interests even involved in the matter? I haven’t quite been able to answer these questions but the end of the article put things into perspective for me and as long as I keep this in mind, I think I’ll be okay:

“The act of giving is mutually beneficial. But at the end of the day, it’s not only about me. Giving, volunteering, and the work done to support nonprofits becomes transformative when the goal is something much larger than just one person’s pride or fame or even self-actualization.

Do you have strategies for keeping your ego in check?”

Anywho, back to our service-learning orientation, my absolute favorite activity was when Janice asked us to draw a lifeline that marked at least three important ‘learnings’ that we can vividly remember which could be from learning a skill, a change in attitude, behavior or understanding, gaining knowledge of some kind, or learning the solution to a problem. The years I marked in my own life were 1994, 2003, and 2009.

In 1994, I was first separated from my mom and siblings and if it were not for that point in my life, I don’t think I would have learned the importance of being there for my siblings and being a role model for them. I knew that without mommy and daddy there I would have to find something inside of me to keep me going. I am honestly thankful for the pressure that whole ordeal added to my life.

Fast forward to 2003, which was the next major moment in my life. I labeled this event on my lifeline as a change in attitude. My daddy passed away in October and I had to learn how to let go of all of the anger I’d been harboring inside of me toward my parents. Regardless of all the things I felt they hadn’t done for me growing up, I realized the anger was only ruining my own life. It was selfish of me to continue to “punish” them by not being willing to rebuild those relationships and that was why I was left with so many feelings of guilt after my father died. Right then, my whole attitude shifted and I wanted to make sure I cherished each and every relationship I had with people because you have no idea how much time there will be to fix those very relationships later on.  

Lastly, 2009 was the final year of major events on my lifeline. This was my year of transitions. I was moving to a place of adulthood while dealing with the loss of my oldest brother. I was trying to mentally prepare myself for college while trying to prove to counselors and teachers that I could do anything I was willing to work for. I was also at a place of figuring out that it was okay to need people sometimes. I realized that I’d never really been a kid, especially not one that felt like I had somewhere to go when I had nightmares or just times when I couldn’t get certain images out of my head.  All of those things that mommy and daddy were supposed to do, I had missed out on. Even today I am still seeing the results of this. I’m just an emotional wreck at times because I’m always trying to put on a happy face for everyone around me. But deep inside there is definitely a lot of work to be done.

This activity was such an eye opener for me because it wasn’t very difficult for me to figure out the turning points in my life. I’ve been through so much but the major moments stand out so vividly. I guess on the journey of self discovery it is important for me to recognize what has shaped my identity thus far so I know what I will let shape me in the future. I must say I am proud at the growth and just the level of maturity I’ve developed over time.

It’s so crazy how seeing people in various living environments, especially those very different from your own, really opens your eyes to so many things. The extreme poverty all around me here in Cape Town has opened my eyes to how very fortunate I am. In no ways did I grow up with a lot of money or do I come from an extremely privileged family, but I now know that what I thought was economic hardship does not even compare. The things that I am able to do at home, at school, in life are unheard of to some of the communities here. My problems all seem so irrelevant when I see the conditions that people have to live in. I couldn’t imagine being in a township without electricity, or running water, or private toilets. And to think, at home I complain when our Comcast freezes up because of the rain or the Internet is out for a few hours, or when my shower water turns cool. Like seriously, who do I think I am? Going through townships like Guguletu, Nyanga, and Khayelitsha was a lot to handle. My emotions were all over the place because my eyes were being exposed to living conditions I couldn’t even imagine.  My natural response was that I just wanted to help and then feelings of hopelessness just took over and it was more like, what can I actually do to change this?

Many of the students in our group are partnered with organizations in some of these same townships for their service learning placements. I am actually in a better part of Cape Town, Pinelands, at a children’s home. The home actually used to be in a shack in Khayelitsha but with the help of donors it has moved to a much better area. Many of the kids actually come from Khayelitsha and the home has a day every year where they go and visit the shack where they were once located. Anywho, now I’m going to explain all about my first day there.

When I first arrived, I sat down with my supervisor who is also the director of the home and we went over the history of the home, what my expectations are, and she pulled out the list of names of all 15 children who live there. I will refer to them as my Linawo family, since that is what they are. Basically, I’ll be spending every Wednesday and Thursday (9-4) acting as another pair of hands in the home. Majority of the children are home-schooled so I’ll be helping their teacher during class time with lessons, grading their work, and any other way I’m needed. Afterward, they have free time so I’ll be playing with the kids (they LOVE soccer), taking them to the park, and just getting to know more about them as they get to know more about me as well. They are letting me into their lives so part of the exchange is letting them into mine as well.

The first day I worked hard to learn all of their names. They quizzed me over and over, laughing at my mispronunciations, until I finally got them. The kids all range in age from 3 to 14 years and I met everyone except the two girls in high school. They all wanted to know if I knew Sis Trinity (student from Stanford who was here last quarter) and if I had talked to her recently. They had only good things to say about her.

I started out in the classroom with the nine boys who are home-schooled. The boys are so independent and worked on their own individual assignments until their teacher or I came around to check their work or answer their questions. At break time, they zoomed off to the front yard to resume their soccer game. I went out with them to watch and was shocked to see one of the boys come walking out with a pitcher of tea. When I asked who it was for he responded, “Everybody Sis Brittani. It’s our favorite drink.” They all drank at least two cups each. I found this absolutely hilarious. I didn’t start drinking tea until I was a junior in high school, and even then I still preferred juice or pop. It was the strangest thing!

During lunchtime, the independence continued as three of the boys prepared sandwiches for everyone. Afterward they all cleaned up after themselves and one began washing dishes, which was his chore for that day. They returned to class right on time for their afternoon math lesson and at 2:00 when school ended we were back outside for more soccer. I caught a few of them in between more cups of tea to talk to them about their daily routine, what kind of things they enjoyed, and let them ask me any questions they had. They wanted to know about my ten siblings, what music I liked to listen to, and of course they wanted to know, “Did your tattoos hurt Sis Brittani?” I answered all of their questions and assured them to never be shy to ask me anything or talk to me about anything at all.

Around 2:45, once all the children were home from school, I walked with the children and two foster mothers to the park. I knew my transport would be coming in about thirty minutes so my supervisor told me to just have two of the boys walk me back since it was only a few blocks away. When I saw I had about five minutes to get back, I went to one of the boys and asked him if he could take a break from his soccer game and walk me home with another one of the boys. He looked at me with a sincere face and said, “No Sis Brittani, you can get back by yourself. You got it.” So that is exactly what I did.

In terms of my intentions within my own service context, I expressed to the director of Linawo and to some of my classmates how I just hope to be someone the children never forget. Our time here is extremely short and will be over before I know it, but I am dealing with children who have been abandoned by their own parents. I do not want to be another person who comes into their lives for a short period, forms a relationship, and then they never see me again. These concerns have led me to promise to never forget about them once this program is over. The director has agreed to let me e-mail the children or even write letters, which they would be able to read on their own. The Linawo family sees volunteers all the time. They have a number of “buddies” that come in and form temporary relationships. I’m constantly thinking of ways to leave more of a lasting impact. These children are the definition of resilient and I cannot wait to see all the things they teach me while on this journey…